Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
