I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
