I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
