What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
