Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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