why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
