i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
