he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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