She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
