She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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