My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
