She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
