i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize