Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
