just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
