First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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