You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
