His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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