The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
