You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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