No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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