I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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