I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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