I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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