Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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