I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize