I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
