we're blogging at a bar
Sober January is a disaster.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
