Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
