turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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