smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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