That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
