Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
