I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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