tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
