just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize