you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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