I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
