Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
