I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
