Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
