Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
