I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
