loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
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