Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
