Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
