dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
