you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
