I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
