I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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