paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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