she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
