Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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