whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Randomize