Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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