well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
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