I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
