wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
