im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
one might say we're banned from that church
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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