We won't sleep together?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
