I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
