i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
