i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I am one with the molecules
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
