I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
