I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
