im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
