you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
