i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
