when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize