I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
