make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize