Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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