I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
