i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
