Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
