sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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