On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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