Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
vagina is talking i cant
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
