it wasn't lemon gatorade
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
