Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
