u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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