I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
