Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize