So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
