five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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