Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
