I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
