The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
