when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
