We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
And then he peed in my hair
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