Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize