Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
