Yo dont text me then not text me
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I would ride that face into the sunset
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
