Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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