Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
