My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
