it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
