i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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