He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
