Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
