My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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