fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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